Great news — I have the EXACT part you totally need. It’s currently sitting under a pile of very important papers in my laundry room. I only require a small, totally standard fee of “some cash” to release it. Once I receive this tiny, reasonable amount (approximately the GDP of a small island), I will personally have it flown to you via my cousin’s friend’s drone that’s still in beta. Please respond immediately — do not consult logic, friends, or reality.